One Clown Theory

Recently there was some clown discussion. Here's the thing about clowns:  

There's only one clown and there has only ever been one clown. 

These are all the same creature

One clown! It's all the same clown! No of course I don't mean it's some sort of clown hive mind or the same clown time travelling around and around- actually the second one isn't far from the bullseye. 

There's something that happens at the biological, psychological, pharmacological, ontological level to someone who starts walking down the clown path. At a point somewhere after they don the d-red nose for the first time and when they're chainsmoking with fourteen brethren in the back of a tiny car on their way to commit mischief, the neurological pathways in their brains form into just the right configurations of comedy meets tragedy, of necessity meets frivolity, and eventually there's a wet popping sound as the circle is completed, the ritual satisfied, and that person is gone and in their skin is the clown. 

same clown

And it's always the same clown. Always. Yes yes, who among us hasn't turned a corner and averted their gaze from a group of clowns dismembering and devouring one of their own- but that's just what this creature does! The madness locked in its big-tent striped brain is the insanity of eons! 

Blind and deaf inquisitors of the most holiest and secret of orders have thoroughly worked over many a subject and the results of their studies are thrice sealed and buried in the deepest vaults of hidden sacred monasteries- but one fact has made its way out of these sanctums: each clown is a different iteration of the same tormented soul- born anew atemporally into the host body. Can you imagine it? A thousand thousand thousand lifetimes in a thousand cities? A thousand worlds? We can only guess at the limits of it, but these concurrent lives lived out over the eons have driven the creature horribly, hilariously mad. 

this too, same clown

And this clown, the clown, it knows what is happening to it. After each death and renewal into a new host it remembers all of these previous lives- and so they tend to congregate into troupes amongst itself. Why else are the jokes so similar, the acts all the same, the colors the paints it's all the same clown! Experiencing itself in another maddening circle!

There's no coming back to one stricken by the disease, unfortunately. They become the clown irrevocably. Maybe the clown is feeling whimsical and will act the role of the dutiful son, daughter, husband, wife and wipe off their face paint- but never forget it's not who it once was. Late at night they will feel the inevitable pull to the trunk in the basement, beneath all the boxes of coats, and they will pull out their tiny trumpet and honk their red nose. It's best to just ignore it. Live blissfully ignorant and thank your lucky stars that the clown has decided to show you mercy.

honk

Maybe you can drag one along on an adventure- but be warned this timeless twisted creature has no experience of time as you or I do. Each life a new joke, a new shadow on the wall, and a new opportunity for comedy. Or maybe they'll spend this one weeping in the sewers, screaming against the gods that have cursed it so. Roving bands of ageless deathless clowns aren't unheard of- and some heresiarchs are whispered to have intentionally summoned this creature to extract boons and knowledge from it. 

For it has lived every time and place and knows the past, the future, the present, the great magics, the lesser magics, banana cream pie recipes, all locked under the harlequin mask of madness. Luckily the jocular cults of the clown tend to run their course and burn out quite quickly- most ultimately succumbing to their idol and becoming a new clown of their own.

always the same clown

But there are ways to commune with this creature, for those willing to risk the ire of an eternal horribly mad creature. 

1. Acquire a simpleton or other such willing peasant
2. Train them in the arts of clownery. Once they don a red nose, or should one appear suddenly, ensure they are locked well and safe in a cell. 
3. When the mad cackling reaches a peak, you may now attempt a bargain

The only thing you can offer to an eternal being is novelty. Jokes, gags, bits, stand up, should you prove to impress it then there's a chance you will be granted your request. Illusions, jocular magics, stories of mirth and hilarious secrets of history are the best bet for boons.

Be warned, there can be no guarantees it has not seen such before, and clown magic is not to be trifled with. If the clown waivers or seems uncertain, do not hesitate to kill it, change your face, and seek another life as far away as you can. Be ever vigilant for floppy shoes- though that clown may be dead one of them- many of them- will remember. Whispers near carnivals tell of hidden cells of assassins, given lists by their own ready to act in the funniest way they can to extract vengeance. Dynasties aflame, cities collapsed, livestock inverted all at the cost of the wrong joke.

what makes a mad god laugh

Some say the original iteration, the first clown, Clown Prime, was born and cursed long long ago- the first man to tell a bad joke, to slip on a banana, to laugh at the gods. Others believe the first clown is yet to be born, a creation of the mad sciences of man and a warning of our boundaries. At the very least, we can think ourselves lucky the poor twisted soul has a sense of humor.